I certainly don’t cry a lot, but give me the occasion to, and I’ll let it out like nobody’s business. I feel insane with sadness, and after hearing some of the most beautiful words come out about my character this week from the people in my life who truly know me and care for me, it’s all fallen apart again. I have to hand it to you, there aren’t many people in my life who can rip me like you do, and I like to think it’s because I haven’t given anyone a lot of reasons to. I don’t expect anybody to be able to describe how or why I’m a good person in 500 words or less, but I want it to be clear how much I try to be good for other people. Even if I utterly hate someone, I won’t go out of my way to cause them pain or humiliation if I can avoid it because I simply think people don’t deserve that in general. But you? After everything we’ve been through, I can’t believe that one inconvenient, yet innocent, occurrence could bring us back to this place and I’m dying inside again. The mental cruelty is bad enough, but I can’t think without bawling, and there’s a pain in my chest that makes my entire body feel weak. The heart is just another organ with blood and vessels, but love and pain really do dwell there in a way that extends beyond physiological science, and I’m overwhelmed with the latter. You rip me in a way that makes me question everything about my being - my character, my sanity, my kindness, intelligence, beauty, you name it. It doesn’t matter how whole I may feel beforehand, one incident with you is like another injection of “why I should hate myself, why I should never expect any good from anybody, ever” into my stream of consciousness. Coming from you, I’ve learned to stop expecting any sort of romantic miracle, but at the very least, I thought I could maintain your friendship and respect. I’ve invested my heart, my mind, and even my body, into making you feel happy and comfortable in my company, but it doesn’t make a difference to you. Thank you, thank you for your honesty and affirming my belief that no matter what I do, it’ll simply never be enough.